Creating Interdependence Instead of Codependence
The feeling of separation from your heart, your intuition, Grace, as well as others happens not just when you have internalized your own emotions too often, but when you begin to feel responsible for the emotions of others, or think they should heal your wounds. In Chinese Medicine, being overly responsible for the pain is said to turn the switch of autoimmunity on, where the body sees itself as the pathogen. This exemplifies the spleen out of balance.
If–as a healer, friend or partner–I carry your pain, I keep you from learning how to care for yourself. I rob you of the lessons you need to learn to evolve as a soul. I offer you a disservice. If you carry my pain, you keep me from learning how to care for myself. You rob me of the lessons I need to learn to evolve as a soul. You offer me a disservice. If we carry each other’s pain, neither of us learn our life lessons. We remain codependent for meager crumbs of love embedded in one another’s pain that only further stagnates our growth.
For the person with the imbalanced spleen, the disease of codependency is the hardest lesson to learn. Your task is to redefine love in order to be able to witness a loved one’s struggle (and that loved one could be you) with compassion, respect, and dignity. Encouragement, empowerment and prayer go a long way when it comes to moving through life challenges. We must never underestimate the mysterious and total power of Grace to support the expansion of the soul.
What may appear as a curse is often a prayer away from a blessing. Time, deep intention, and showing up for healing are required to transform this cycle.
Try this exercise from my book, Born to Heal, so you can gain more insight on where you are with codependency:
- Am I good at carrying other’s people’s pain?
- Am I good at getting other people to carry my pain?
- What do I get out of it? What or who would I be without it?
- Am I willing to heal it?
- Where does neediness show up in my life?
- What void am I trying to fill?
- Am I addicted to the thrill of worry?
By the way, neediness is a place to focus self-love again and again.
If you would like some help getting to the root of codependency, I can help.
All Love, Luke