Standing before the precipice of the Indian summer a cool breeze touches my face. I am settling into a new life and a new vision of the future. Sadness arises and subsides as the coming of age years fade away and an established rootedness of the trajectory of my life emerges. Images from movies like Stand By Me, The Goonies, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off flash through my mind as I have moved through the same life experiences, rich with anguish and joy. The nostalgia of youth swoons me like a dove in still full moon light waters. A sigh of delight falls over me as we move into another season and another life. I want to share so much with you about healing, life and love.
The healing train is a movin’ and summer is making a grand exit. Big News. I got married this summer. Whoooo hoooooo!!!!! Can you believe it! It has been an amazing ride. As we encroached upon the ceremony, something began to stir inside me. This rite of passage is nuanced with cultural heritage, emotional unpeeling, and the dissolution of old beliefs and foraging of new ideals. I remember when I asked Emily to marry me on the Oregon coast almost a year ago. Within minutes, I experienced a shift that felt like an enveloping of protection and guardianship. It was as if a multi-layered down blanket enshrouded itself over our relationship, somehow buffering the commentary and opinions of the outside world, allowing us to gestate in a kind of womb leading up to marriage.
With the wedding a month a way, I felt the beginnings of a squeamishness, ready to be birthed, initiated and presented into another realm of both worldly and spiritual commitment and existence. I am so grateful, fulfilled and honored to live my life and interact with so many heartfelt people. If you are reading this, you are one of them. Thank you for your Love and support. You may have heard of the term bridezilla. I have a confession. I really gave my fiancée a hard time after we got engaged, that I would not stand for any bridezilla-ness. I mean I was explicit and adamant about it. I didn’t want micro management or nitpicking regarding any aspect of our wedding. Admittedly, I was a jerk at times, of which I’ve apologized profusely and need to do more so.
Things always have a way of coming back around. You may or may not have heard about the bridezilla concept, but I’m sure you haven’t heard of the groomzilla concept. Oh Yes. I was probably the first GROOMZILLA. It’s embarrassing to admit, but it is true. My now wife was so awesome throughout the wedding process. It was an honor to marry her. I on the other went through a total freak out, “I want cupcakes, not cake!”, “The DJ better do a great job!”, “I hope the venue doesn’t suck”, I mean groomzilla to the max and I’m not proud of it. Groomzilla. Now you have it. As I write this, I need to pause to catch my breath, because I have revealed to you my impervious, ridiculous nature. I am human and I love not being perfect.